Communication – The 5 Personalities of Feedback

Getting comfortable accepting and leveraging feedback is key to achieving the success you desire.  Remember you asked for IT.  Asking questions is one thing, but receiving the requested feedback is quite another; and the two are connected.

What if your ability to ask the questions that positively impact your success is in direct proportion to how comfortable you are with the feedback?  In other words, if you can’t receive feedback you may never be able to ask for the help that will make a difference in your business.  You may be surprised when you really notice how comfortable, or NOT, you are with receiving the feedback you ask for.

Professional speaking has been one of the most humbling and vulnerable experiences in my life.  It requires me to request and embrace feedback (even when my ego says NO!) and the willingness to dive deep into the limiting self-beliefs that are triggered when I hear something I don’t really like.

When I started speaking I wasn’t very good – I stunk!  The first time I got “constructive” feedback, even from supportive mentors, I felt overwhelmed and attacked.  It took ALL the discipline I had to resist defending myself.  I cried all the way home and it took about 24 hours before I could see the ‘gift”.  Once I could view the input as a “gift” I could use the knowledge to improve my skills rather than as a reason to criticize myself and give up on my dream.

While networking this week I noticed how differently each of us can truly receive the information when we ask for feedback.  And I’ve noticed that the results we harvest from our questions of peers, mentors and even internally of ourselves are in direction proportion to how we receive feedback.  If we can’t receive feedback how can we ever ask for more?  It reflects in our results.

The Question Comfort-Zone quiz in last week’s blog was the result of observing a “hotseat” exercise at a business networking event.  Each member was invited to present a current challenge, question or project to the group for 10 minutes of feedback.  It seemed as if each participant had one of 5 feedback “personalities”.  It was especially nice that there was a representative from each of the 5 “personalities” in attendance.

Just in case you missed it, here is the quiz are again.

For fun, on a scale of 1-5, what is your Question Comfort-Zone?

1. I don’t ask questions; I know how things are going to go.
2. I ask questions but while the person is answering, I’m planning how to move the conversation back to my agenda.
3. I ask questions because I know it helps my business but notice I feel defensive or take the feedback personally.
4. I ask questions because I’m interested in other perspectives.
5. I ask questions because I know that my filters limit my viewpoint and that inquiry is the fastest way to learn and grow.

The members of this business networking group are experienced and generous.  Each person in the “hotseat” received candid feedback presented in a professional manner. Here’s what happened that day:

• One person did not ask for feedback.

• Another presented her project but as information was offered by the group she continued to promote her project. She was unable to listen for new ideas and eventually the feedback stopped.

• Another appeared to listen to the feedback at first, but then spent half of her 10 minutes defending her limitations and justifying why she did things a certain way.  She was unable to fully use the new information or ask more questions of the group.

• The fourth listened to the feedback and took a few notes.

• The fifth listened intently. Excitedly saying that next time she would record the session in order to capture all of the ideas.  She said “thank you” often and asked for input until her time was finished.  In addition to connections and ideas, she left with social media champions, business alliances and a sale.  All critical to business success.

The opportunity was the same for each participant, yet the outcomes were very different.  What was the difference?  Which of the 5 “personalities” is most like you when receiving feedback?  If you were to increase your number how would that change your success?